Ⅰ 经典英语笑话
2015经典英语笑话
2015经典英语笑话一：
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down(砍下) his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"Blonde: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
2015经典英语笑话二：
A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.All ring the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to ignore her but, finally it was too much for him.He asked her, "Why are you staring at me.?"Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went quiet for her response.The little girl said, "My Daddy said you drink like a fish and I don't want to miss it!"
2015经典英语笑话三：
Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic(算术) , and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store."How much are the apples?" he asked the store."Six for five cents.""But I don't want six apples.""How many apples do you want?""It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic.""What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man."Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you."Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.
;Ⅱ 经典英语课堂笑话大全
冷笑话是一种新兴的语言现象,伴随着网络的普及它已经渗透到了青年群体的日常生活,偶尔爆出的一两句冷笑话能使交流氛围变得轻松愉悦,也能展示交谈者的幽默和智慧。下面是我带来的经典英语课堂笑话，欢迎阅读!
经典英语课堂笑话篇一
After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."
在将母亲下葬9个月后，当地殡仪馆的一个客户终于攒够了钱去买那副他早就相中的价值不菲的棺材了。他把母亲的棺材挖了出来，将尸体转移到了那副新的钢制棺材中。“这副棺材有什么特别?”，我问葬礼的承办人。他回答说，“这种棺材终生保修。
经典英语课堂笑话篇二
Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. "
有一次，我收到一封 感谢信 ，是一个我曾帮助过的朋友寄来的。信封内有五张彩票，都被刮过了，露出了数字。“非常感谢您的帮助，”信上写道，“作为礼物，我给您买了些彩票----真遗憾，您没中奖。”
经典英语课堂笑话篇三
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅?”
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
经典英语课堂笑话篇四
One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?"
一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事?你爸爸帮你做了吗?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it allmyself," said Tim."
不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"
经典英语课堂笑话篇五
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow
经典英语课堂笑话篇六
The Preacher Buys a Parrot
传教士买鹦鹉
A preacher is buying a parrot.
一个传教士在买鹦鹉。
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。
"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
“噢，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主向他保证。
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
“你看见它腿上的那些细绳了吗?当你拉动右边这根，它会背诵天主经;当你拉动左边那根，它会背诵赞美诗。”
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
“太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两根绳子，会发生什么呢?”
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.
“我会从树干上掉下去，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。
经典英语课堂笑话篇七
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。
Ⅲ 经典英语幽默笑话
经典英语幽默笑话
经典英语幽默笑话一：
Early ShopperIt was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked. "Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
经典英语幽默笑话二：
Midway TacticsThree competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
经典英语幽默笑话三：
What's your name?A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:"My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together" Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name."Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,"He said,"and don't forget to call me 'sir'". Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,"When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?" The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied."My name is Stonebreaker,sir"he said nervously.
;Ⅳ 经典英语笑话6篇
英语笑话是指以一句英文短语或一个英文故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑,或是产生幽默感,笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言,笑话是一种艺术方法。下面是我整理的英语爆笑笑话，欢迎大家阅读!
英语笑话一：
我要做的一切就是付钱!All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子
是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”
英语笑话二：
喂狗 For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
一家人在饭馆里吃过晚饭，父亲把服务生叫了过来。
”先生，什么事?“服务生问。
”我儿子的盘子里剩下许多肉，“父亲说，”能给我们一个袋子吗?我把剩下的东西带回去喂狗。“
”啊呀，爸爸!“儿子激动地叫喊着。”咱家养狗了吗?“
英语笑话三：
脑移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。
“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。
病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。
医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”
英语笑话四：
不是我的错
It's not my fault
Mother (reprimanding训斥，谴责 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.
Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.
不是我的错
妈妈(正教训她的女儿)：你不该拽猫的尾巴。
女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。
英语笑话五：
Coins in American Currency 美国的硬币
There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $.05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$.1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $.25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $.50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece).
Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore.
Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.
One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬币是按下列币值铸造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。
硬币也叫"零钱"，"小钱"，或"银币"，虽然它们不再是用银子铸成的。总的说来，硬币是通过大小来识别的，但总有人把十美分搞错，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按币值的大小顺序排列。
还有一点要说明：你不能伸出手，托出一把纸币和硬币而希望别人从你那里拿走数目正确的零钱。这在任何西方国家都是不好的。
英语笑话六：
Now We Run 现在我们跑吧
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"
一个牧师正沿着街走路，这时他看到街对面有个小男孩正试图按一所房子的门铃。但这个小孩太小了，门铃又高，他够不着。看到那个小男孩费了很多劲，牧师走近了他。牧师优雅地穿过马路，走到小家伙的背后，轻轻地把手放在小男孩肩头，按响了门铃。他弯下身子，微笑着问道：“接下来怎么办，孩子?”小男孩回答说：“接下来我们跑。”
Ⅳ 5个浅显易懂的英语小笑话有哪些
1、爆笑英语小笑话1：Whoare stupid？谁蠢？
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid stand up!”
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said “Do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”
“No ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
2、爆笑英语小笑话2：Agreat man一名伟人
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?
Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？
学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。
3、爆笑英语小笑话3：TwoCute dogs
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.He asks the shopkeeper “Does
your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says “No my dog does not bite.”
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch” he says “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”
The shopkeeper replies “That is not my dog.”
一个男人走进了一家商店，看到了一个可爱的小狗，于是他问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”
店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”
这个男人就试图抚摸狗，然后狗咬了他。“哎呀”他说：“我还以为你说你的狗不咬人呢！”
店主和他说：“那不是我的狗。”
4、爆笑英语小笑话4：Four gold teeth四颗金牙
6.Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了。
5、爆笑英语小笑话5：Barking dogs don’t bite吠狗不咬人
The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
“It’s all right” said a gentleman “don’t be afraid. Don’t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don’t bite?”
“Ah yes” answered the little girl. “I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?”
一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
Ⅵ 最经典的英语笑话故事阅读
笑话是日常生活中人们消遣娱乐的一种常见语言现象,其目的在于在会话过程中传递和激发幽默感。我整理了最经典的英语笑话故事，欢迎阅读!
最经典的英语笑话故事篇一
找错地方啦
While working in the psychology department at a Com-munity College in Centerville，Michigan, I was asked to en-large a chart for a meeting. I called the room and asked，'Can I get something blown up down there?"
在密西根萨特维亚的密一所社区学院的心理学系工作期间，一次，他们让我放大一张会议的图表。于是，我就打电话给复印室，问:“我能到你们那里搞点儿能放的东西吗?"(对方以为是放饱的放)
After a pause the voice on the line replied，"I think you want the chemistry lab.”
对方愣了一会儿，回答说:“我想你要找为是化学试验室.
最经典的英语笑话故事篇二
谁自私?
My husband and I were discussing the options available on the new car we planned to buy. The standard equipment included a driver's side air bag，but the passenger air bag was an optional purchase.I thought this was a bit odd and asked，"What would a wife say if her husband bought a car with only one air bag?"
我和我丈夫正在讨论我们计划要买的新车上应带有哪些设备。标准设备包括在车上配备给司机座位上的空气袋，但乘客席上的空气袋就可有可无了。对于这点，我觉得有点滑稽，于是就问丈夫:"如果丈夫只买了一个空气袋，他老婆会说什么呢?"
"That's easy,"my husband responded. "She'd say，'I'll drive.'"
我丈夫回答说:“这很容易猜，她会说:‘我来开车吧!'."
最经典的英语笑话故事篇三
如此节俭
Mrs. Willencot was very frugal. When her husband died，she asked the newspaper how much it would cost for a death notice.
成伦考特太太非常节俭.她丈夫死后去问报社，登一条讣告需要多少钱?
"Two dollars for five words. "
“八个字，两美元。，
"Can I pay for just two words?"，she asked.”Willencot dead."
“我登三个字多少钱?’她问:"Willencot过世。”
"No，two dollars is the minimum. You still have three words."
“两美元是最少的费用，你还可以加五个字。”
Mrs. Willencot thought a moment and added; "Cadillac for sale."
威伦考特太太想了一会儿，说:“卖卡迪拉克。”
Ⅶ 四则经典趣味英语笑话
下面是我整理的四则经典趣味 英语笑话 ，希望大家喜欢!
经典英语笑话：小孩子实在了不起
Mother got on the train with Little Johnny and Little Ronny.
妈妈和小强尼、小罗尼一起搭乘火车。
Little Johnny was full of questions, as usual: "What's an emergency brake, Mommy?"
小强尼一如往常问东问西，“妈咪，什么是紧急煞车?"
“Why did that policeman ask to see our tickets?"
“为什么那位警察叔叔要看我们的车票?"
"Why can't I lean out the window?" etc.
“为什么身体不能伸出窗外?"等等诸如此类问题。
His mother was becoming ever more exasperated.
妈妈实在忍不住要发脾气了。
Finally, Little Johnny asked, "What was that last station we stopped at, Mommy?"
最后小强尼又问：“妈咪，刚刚火车停靠的是哪一站?”
"I don't know, Johnny, and will you please stop pestering me? I'm trying to read. "
“我不知道，强尼，你可不可以不要烦我，我正在看书呢!”
A few minutes of silence passed. Then Johnny said, "It's too bad you don't know what station that was, 'cause that's where Little Ronny got off. "
一阵安静后，强尼说：“真糟糕，你竟然不知道罗尼下车的那个车站。"
经典英语笑话：哲学课一则
Really, you have only two things.to worry about-either you are sick or you are well.
真的，你只有两件事要担心，你不是会生病就是身体健康。
If you are well, you have nothing to worry about,
如果你身体健康，那么就没什么好担心的。
and if you are sick, you have only two things to worry about-either you get well or you die.
如果生病的话，只要担忧两件事，你不是康复就是死亡。
If you get well, you have nothing to worry about,
如果你康复的话，什么也不必担心。
and if you die, you have only two things to worry about-either you go to heaven or you go to hell.
如果不幸死亡的话，你只要担心两件事，你不是上天堂就是下地狱。
If you go to heaven, you have nothing to worry about,
如果上天堂，什么也不需要你担忧。
and if you go to hell.you'll be so busy shaking hands with old friends, you won't have time to worry !
要是下地狱的话，你会忙着和老朋友握手寒暄，连担忧事情的时间都没有!
经典英语笑话：那可真是大的吓人
One day a tourist walked into a Texas tavern and ordered a shot of whiskey. The bartender put a big tumbler full of whiskey in front of him.
某一天一位观光客走进一家德州酒店点了一杯威士忌，酒保竞给他一大杯的酒。
"What,s this?" asked the tourist.
“这是什么呢?，’观光客问道。
"Why, it,s a shot of whiskey! Don't you know that everything is big in Texas?"
“怎么了，那是你点的酒，难道你不知道德州每样东西都大得吓人。”
Then, an armadillo ran past the door.
那时刚好有一只穿山甲跑过酒店门口。
“What was that?" asked the tourist.
“那是什么东西?’观光客又问。
"Why, that was a Texas cockroach. "
“哦，那是只德州蟑螂!”
By this time, the whiskey had gone to the tourist's bladder as well as his head,
喝了酒，观光客感到腹胀头昏，
and he asked the location of the bathroom
他问哪里有洗手间，
The bartender directed him to go down the hall and to the right,
酒保告诉他下楼后右转，
but the tourist turned left instead and fell into the swimming pool.
但观光客却向左转，跌落在酒店的 游泳 池中。
The bartender heard the splash and went to investigate.
酒保听到水声跑出去看个究竟，
As he put his head in the door, he heard the tourist cry. "Don,t flush the toilet ! "
刚把头伸进门就听到观光客大叫，“不要按动马桶冲水哟!
经典英语笑话：不费吹灰之力
There were four passengers in the small aircraftas it sputtered over the Andes; a businessman, an inventor, a priest and a laid -back budget traveller.
一架正飞越安第斯山脉的小飞机上坐着四名乘客：一名商人，一名发明家，一位神父和一个靠预算过日子、看起来懒懒散散的旅行者。
Suddenly the pilot entered the cabin and told them the horrible news: "Gentlemen, the plane is going down. I'm going to try to crash-land it, but you must all jump. "
突然，驾驶员走进舱告诉他们可怕的消息：“各位先生，这架飞机正失控下降中，我要设法迫降，但你们必须先跳下飞机。”
Naturally, the men were horrified。and even more so when they discovered that there were only three parachutes.
当然，那几个人都吓得目瞪口呆，尤其是当他们发现只有三个降落伞可以使用时，更是心惊胆战。
The businessman said, "Sirs, I employ thousands of people. Their lives and those of their families depend on me. I think you'll agree that I must survive. " He promptly put on a parachute and leaped.
那名商人说道：“各位先生，我雇用好几千名员工，他们都要靠我养家活口，我想你们都同意我必须活着回去。”说着他便穿上一具降落伞跳出飞机去。
The inventor rose, already adjusting the straps. "I'm the smartest man in the world. My inventions have transformed the lives of millions. There’s no telling how much good I may yet do. Goodbye. " And he, too, jumped from the plane.
接着发明家站了起来，调整了肩带说道：“我是世界上最聪明的人，我的发明改变了成千上万人的生活。我还会对大众造多少福难以估计。再见了，各位!”他也跟着跳出机舱。
The priest was se.rene, and interrupted his prayers to speak to the traveller. "I am a rnan of God, my son; I have no fear of death. Take the last parachute and save your life. "
神父心平气和，中断祷告，对旅行者说道：“小伙子，我是信奉上帝的人，我对死并不畏惧，剩下的降落伞你就拿去用，逃命去吧!”
"Hey, it,s cool, Father. There’ re still two parachutes left. The smartest man in tne world just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack. "
“嘿，神父，真是太棒了!我们还有两个降落伞。那个自称世界上最聪明的人背了我的背包跳出去了。”
Ⅷ 学英语必看的英文幽默笑话
学英语必看的英文幽默笑话
1、某次英文考试有两道题目：
1)我穿上外套，却发现第一个扣子掉了。
2)他听见电话铃响，就过去接了电话。
正确答案应为：
1)I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.
2)As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.
但是某生的答案是：
1)Shit!
2)Hello?
2、老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money，并让同学们翻译。
有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
3、小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?
小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊!
4、某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hongtao liu.
外宾曰：我他妈还是方片七呢!
5、江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。
外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful."
翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?"
外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的.，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."
翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”
江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。
翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
6、一对热恋中的男女。女生非常没有安全感，于是对着男友说：“SAY ‘I LOVE YOU!!’SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”
男的答道：“IT!”
7、某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，
忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
8、某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是：Sex，该男思之久已，毅然下笔：“Once a week”。
签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”
该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?”
男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female. ”
9、上初一的时候，英语老师让我们读课文，恰好是一段对话，于是叫了一男一女两个同学来读。
男：What time is it now?
女：It's nine.
男：Let's go to bed.
女：We go to bed at nine.
全班绝倒。
10、一天，我准备坐车去学校，正在路上走着，一辆车快速从我面前穿过，并且撞到一位正在观光的日本人。当然情况很是吓人，路边的好心人立刻冲上前去问道：“How are you?”
日本人上气不接下气的回答：“F..ine,th..ank you...and you?”
围观的人顿时愣住。。。由此可知日本人的英文是死记硬背的!
11、某男，粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是sex。
该男思之久已，毅然下笔：“Once a week“。
签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.“
该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female“，官楞之，曰：“Shouldn’t it be male?“
男急释曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.”
12、多年前，一个英文不怎么样的男人到美国出差，很向往自由女神像，特意打听了管理处电话，接着打车前往。
他的士司机说：“Where is the free woman?”
司机看看他：“Hey guy, here's America, nothing is free.”
男人着急了：“I know there''s a famous free woman, I have the phone number. It's sex sex sex two sex one free(6662613)!”
13、小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗?怎么不去?
小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊!
14、小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。
小强转头就对老外说：No Sit see, Stand see. If see stand see.
老外回答说：Sorry I don't understand your english.
小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文。
15、某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
16、英语老师问一个学生，“How are you 是什么意思”
学生想how是怎么，you 是你，于是回答“怎么是你?”
老师生气又问另一个同学：“How old are you 是什么意思?”
这个同学想了想说：“怎么老是你。”
17、一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照。在考试时因为过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转。
他不放心的问道: turn left?
监考官回答：right.
于是他立刻向右转。
很抱歉他只有下次再来。
18、女：Say“i love you”，say it，come on!say it!
男：It!
19、老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money 并让同学们翻译。
有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
20、A：What’s on your hand?
B：Watch.
A：How to spell that?
B：T-H-A-T~
;Ⅸ 有哪些英语小笑话给我来十个（越短越好）
1、英语笑话（一）
老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？
小明说：你没听老师说“去你个头”啊！
2、英语笑话（二）
某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话曰：I am hong tao liu，外宾曰：我TM还是方片七呢！
3、英语笑话（三）
江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到江青，立刻拍马屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻译照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。
翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外宾一愣，还有这样的人，追问哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."
翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”江青更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
4、英语笑话（四）
话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目标是十尺外仆人头上的苹果。A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：“I AM后羿！”
B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句：“I AM丘比特！”
轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 结果正中仆人的心脏。就听他结结巴巴好久才吐出一句：“I...I...I...AM...SORRY...”
5、英语笑话（五）
某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成。一日上街不慎与一老外相撞， 忙说：I am sorry.
老外应道：I am sorry too.
某人听后又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，问：What are you sorry for?
某人无奈，道：I am sorry five.
6、英语笑话（六）
一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车经过，就说：“oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”又有一辆经过，他又说： “oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”司机有点不高兴，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆经过时，他还是说：“oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
后来到了机场，那个日本人就问：“How Much？”出租车司机说：“1000！”
日本人惊奇的问司机：“为什么那么贵？”出租车司机回答说：“oh，mileometer（计 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！”
7、英语笑话（七）
传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了 地狱。发现错误后上帝马上改了回来，路上二人相遇。 精彩继续教皇：感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了（Virgin Maria）. 克林顿（坏笑中）：Sorry，it"s too late.
8、英语笑话（八）
小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。
小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see.
老外回答说:Sorry I don’t understand your English.
小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文....
踩了一个老外的脚，为了显示咱国家是有名的礼仪之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是礼貌有加，就来个sorry too.
two??the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中国人还不是得礼尚往来？！~那就I am sorry three~ 这下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for?
晕，还有完没完啊，还FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，Iam sorry five~(who怕 who？！~）
9、英语笑话（九）
我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外：“hello，你妈是猴儿。”老外用纯正的天津话说：“你妈是大猩猩！”
10、英语笑话（十）
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
Ⅹ 经典英语笑话大全
下面是我整理的一些关于经典 英语笑话 7篇，欢迎大家阅读!
经典英语笑话一：咒语
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
一个男人找到一个巫婆，要求她解开一条困扰了自己40年的咒语。
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
巫婆说："或许我可以做的到，但你必须一字不落地告诉我下咒的时候说的那句咒语。"
The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."
男人毫不犹豫的答道：“‘我现在宣布你们成为夫妇。’”
经典英语笑话二：世界各地的蹩脚英语
①If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself。
日本旅馆：如果您想调节您房间的温度，请控制您自己。
②Please don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on ty。
匈牙利动物园：请不要给动物喂食。如果您有食品，请喂给值班警卫。
③Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar。
挪威酒吧：女士们不要在酒吧里生孩子。
④Fur coats made for ladies from their skins。
瑞典皮货商店：为女士们制作的皮大衣，是用她们的皮制成的。
⑤Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists 。
香港牙科诊所：由最新的卫理公会教徒给您拔牙。
⑥Drop your trousers here for best results。
泰国的干洗店：在这里脱掉您的裤子，等待最好的结果。
⑦Specialist in women and other diseases。
意大利妇科诊所：我们是women和其他疾病的专家。
⑧Welcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday。
俄国公墓：欢迎访问这个公墓，许多着名的俄国艺术家每天埋在这里，但星期四不埋。
⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions。
丹麦机场：我们将拿走您的行李，送往四面八方。
⑩The manager has personally passed all water served here。
墨西哥旅馆：旅馆经理将亲自为您撒尿。
经典英语笑话三：送出去还有的东西
What can Santa give away and still keep?
Answer: a cold.
什么东西圣诞老人可以分送出去，自己却也还留着?
答案：感冒。
经典英语笑话四：圣诞老人的 爱好
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?
Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.
圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?
答案：锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意，ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)
铅笔
What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?
Answer: use a pen.
若圣诞老人的驯鹿吃掉你的铅笔该怎么办?
答案：用原子笔
经典英语笑话五：1000元的脑筋急转弯
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.
Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?
圣诞节 前夕，圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯，门还未开前，三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元的钞票，猜猜谁会将它捡起?
Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!
答案：当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。
经典英语笑话六：Cry
"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
“汤姆，你弟弟怎么了?” 妈妈在厨房里问。“他在哭。”
“没事儿，妈妈，”汤姆答道。“我在吃我的 蛋糕 。他哭是因为我不给他吃。”
“他已经吃完自己的了么?”
“是的。”“我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。”
经典英语笑话七：可怜的男人
A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"
The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
Bartender: "That should make you happy."
The man: "No, the month is up today!"
一个男人坐在酒吧里，伤心至极。
酒吧招待：“你怎么了?跟老婆闹矛盾了?”
男人：“我们吵了一架，她说一个月都不跟我说话。”
酒吧招待：“那你应该高兴才是啊!”
男人：“不，今天是这个月的最后一天。”