⑴ 英語幽默長笑話帶翻譯
1.How do I get the gum out我怎麼把口香糖取出來
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?"
當空中小姐給乘客們發口香糖的時候，她解釋說口香糖有助於他們防止耳鳴。飛機著陸後，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說道：「 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎麼才能把口香糖從耳朵裡面取出來呢？」
2.Where Am I 我在哪兒
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
一個英國人在鄉下開車時迷了路，他看見一個農民正在附近的地里幹活。於是他就把車開過去問那位農民：「勞駕，您能告訴我我現在這是在哪兒嗎？」 「可以。」農夫奇怪地看了看他，然後說道：「你現在在你的車子里，先生。」
3.Chiefis at the wedding 長官在婚禮上
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back."
"But ,officer, I …."
"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back."
"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom."
大街上的一個超速駕駛者被警察攔住了。「但是警官」這個人說道，「我可以解釋的」。「保持安靜」，警察突然說道。「我將把你送往監獄，直到長官回來。「但是，警察，我，，，」。「我說過了保持安靜，你要到監獄了。」幾小時後，警察向監獄里看了看說道「算你運氣好，因為我們的長官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶著一個愉快的心情回來的。」 「你確定」在牢房裡的這個人說道。「我就是新郎呀」。
4.Who Is the Laziest 誰最懶
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶？湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。父親：啊，不對，你知道！想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
(1)爆笑趣味英語小知識擴展閱讀
笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。其趣味有高下之分。
2008年6月7日，笑話經國務院批准列入第二批國家級非物質文化遺產名錄。
⑵ 短的，非常好笑的英語笑話，帶翻譯
The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
完美兒子
A:我有一個很完美的兒子.
B:他抽煙嗎?
A:不抽.
B:他喝威士忌酒嗎?
A:不喝.
B:他會不會很晚回家?
A:不會.
B:我想你確實有一個完美兒子. 那他多大了?
A:下個星期三就滿6個月了.
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。
「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」
「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
.鳥窩與頭發
我姐姐是一位小學老師。一次一個學生告訴她說一隻鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個窩。
「是什麼鳥呢？」我姐姐問她。
「我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。」那孩子回答說。
「那麼，你能給我們描述一下這個鳥巢嗎？」我姐姐鼓勵她道。
「哦，老師，就像你的頭發一樣。」
Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
給我那個打贏的吧
-- 服務員，
這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."
"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"
"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.
"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".
迪克年齡七歲，他的妹妹凱瑟琳五歲。一天，媽媽把他們帶到姨媽家去玩，自己就到大城市去買些新的衣服。
孩子們玩了個把小時，在四點半的時候，姨媽領著迪克走進了廚房。她交給迪克一塊精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，並對他說：「喏，迪克，給你刀子，把這塊蛋糕一切為二，給你妹妹一塊。不過，你得記住要做得像一個紳士那樣。」
迪克問：「像一個紳士？紳士怎樣做呢？」
他姨媽馬上回答說：「紳士總是把大的一塊讓給別人的。」
迪克說了一聲「噢」。他對此想了一會，然後，他把蛋糕拿給妹妹，並對她說：「凱瑟琳，你來把這塊蛋糕一切為二吧。」
I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
「孩子，你為什麼用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？」
「沒有，老師。可是你昨天說你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在裡面。」
「I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .」
「Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!」
「Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .」
「對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。」
「20美元！為什麼？不是說好只要4美元。」
「是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了。」
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
⑶ 英語小笑話，越短越好，帶翻譯
1、Goldfish金魚
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom 。
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold（蒙眼睛）them!
斯丹：我贏了 92 條金魚。
弗雷德：你想在哪兒養它們？
斯丹：浴室。
弗雷德：但是你想洗澡時怎麼辦？
斯丹：蒙住它們的眼睛！
2、 The Revenge 欺騙的代價
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With alow voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmerJones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson:"But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!"
老農約翰遜就要死了。他的家人都站在床邊。他聲音低沉地對妻子說：「我死後，我想你嫁給農夫瓊斯。」 妻子說：「不，在你死後，我不能嫁給任何人。」 約翰遜：「但我希望你這么做。」 妻子：「為什麼？」 約翰遜：「因為瓊斯曾在一筆販馬的交易中欺騙了我。」
3、I think that I'm a chicken 我想我是一隻雞
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
精神病醫師：你哪裡不舒服？
病人：我認為我是一隻雞。
精神病醫師：這種情況從什麼時候開始的？
病人：從我還是一隻蛋的時候開始。
4、How do I get the gum out我怎麼把口香糖取出來
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?"
當空中小姐給乘客們發口香糖的時候，她解釋說口香糖有助於他們防止耳鳴。飛機著陸後，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說道：「 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎麼才能把口香糖從耳朵裡面取出來呢？」
5、 Where Am I 我在哪兒
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
一個英國人在鄉下開車時迷了路，他看見一個農民正在附近的地里幹活。於是他就把車開過去問那位農民：「勞駕，您能告訴我我現在這是在哪兒嗎？」 「可以。」農夫奇怪地看了看他，然後說道：「你現在在你的車子里，先生。」
6、Chiefis at the wedding 長官在婚禮上
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back."
"But ,officer, I …."
"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back."
"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom."
大街上的一個超速駕駛者被警察攔住了。「但是警官」這個人說道，「我可以解釋的」。「保持安靜」，警察突然說道。「我將把你送往監獄，直到長官回來。「但是，警察，我，，，」。「我說過了保持安靜，你要到監獄了。」幾小時後，警察向監獄里看了看說道「算你運氣好，因為我們的長官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶著一個愉快的心情回來的。」 「你確定」在牢房裡的這個人說道。「我就是新郎呀」。
7、Who Is the Laziest 誰最懶
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
父親：哎，湯姆，今天我跟你們老師談過，現在我想問你個問題。你們班上誰最懶？湯姆：我不知道，爸爸。父親：啊，不對，你知道！想想看，當別的孩子們都在做作業、寫字時，誰在課堂上坐著，只是看人家做功課？湯姆：我們老師，爸爸。
8、TwoBirds 兩只鳥
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now whocan tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow.
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。老師：請說說看。學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。
⑷ 形容「幽默」的英語單詞有哪些
形容幽默的英文單詞：humorous
讀音：英 ['hjuːmərəs] 美 ['hjuːmərəs]
釋義：adj. 幽默的；詼諧的
用法示例如下：
1、Hewasquitehumorous,andIlikedthatabouthim.
他很幽默，我喜歡他這一點。
2、Indeed he has a solemn face, but he is very humorous at heart.
他的確有一副嚴肅的臉孔，但內心卻是很富幽默感。
3、Fromthestory,.
從這個故事裡，我們看到一個好的領袖智慧和幽默的一面。
(4)爆笑趣味英語小知識擴展閱讀：
近義詞
amusing、comical、funny、ridiculous
這幾個詞都可表示「引人發笑的」。
amusing表示「逗笑的，令人開心的」；
funny表示「可笑的，滑稽的」，語意比amusing強，在口語中，還有「不可理解」的意思；
comical表示「喜劇性的，令人捧腹的」，只用於人的表情、行為或某一局面等，很少用來指具體事物；
ridiculous表示「荒謬的，愚蠢的」，有時可引申為「令人發笑的」，具有鄙視的意味。
⑸ 法有哪些技巧趣味單詞搞笑記憶法英語單詞記憶法舉例
諧音記憶和意義記憶相結合。
scholar 、學者、諧音：思考樂
economy: 經濟、諧音：依靠農民（發展經濟）
ambition: 雄心壯志 、諧音：俺必是神
lawyer: 律師 、諧音： 撈呀
accompany: 陪同 諧音： 挨個陪你
⑹ 搞笑的英語諧音有哪些如救護車ambulance（俺不能死）
pregnant懷孕（撲來個男的）
ponderous肥胖的（胖得要死）
pest害蟲（拍死它）
ambition雄心（俺必勝）
agony痛苦（愛過你）
admire羨慕（額的媽呀）
fail失敗（廢了）
strong強壯（死壯）
gauche粗魯的（狗屎）
morbid病態（毛病）
tantrum脾氣發作（太蠢）
bachelor學士/單身漢（白吃了）
temper脾氣（太潑）
economy經濟（依靠農民）
ail疼痛（哎呦）
有趣的英語諧音不少，可以幫助記單詞，但是不能一味依靠諧音記單詞，畢竟這樣的只是少數，記單詞還是要依靠音標，只要會讀就能大致拼寫出來
⑺ 表示有趣的單詞
您的問題很簡單。呵呵。網路知道很高興幫助您解決您提出的問題。
原句：有趣
翻譯：amusing；fascinating；divertingness；as good as a play；laughably；Interesting；Funny
答案：Funny
funny ： 英['fʌnɪ] 美['fʌni]
adj. 有趣的；滑稽的；奇異的
n. 滑稽人物
[ 復數funnies 比較級funnier 最高級funniest ]
Funny People滑稽人物；爆笑絕唱；爆笑夢之隊；命運好好笑
Funny Face甜姐兒；梁詠琪；滑稽面孔；甜妞兒
FUNNY FACES有趣的臉；風趣的臉；鬼臉少年俱樂部；滑稽小丑
Funny Friends趣怪人生；狐朋狗友；最佳損友；趣怪人的生活
FUNNY ANIMALS有趣的動物；動物也幽默
Funny English趣味英語；繽紛英語報；有趣的英文
Funny Monkeys搞笑的猴子
Funny Salon有趣的沙龍；簡體版；惡整美發沙龍
Funny Ghost猛鬼撞鬼
feel funny [口語] ◎感到身體不適 ◎(因酒色過度而)覺得不適
funny story 幽默故事
funny bone 肘的尺骨端；幽默感
funny picture 有趣的圖片
funny business n. 不道德的行為；不規矩的事
adj.有趣的；滑稽的；奇異的
colorful, fantastic
n.滑稽人物
comedian
詞根：fun
adj.
fun 供娛樂用的
adv.
funnily 有趣地，滑稽地；古怪的
n.
fun 樂趣；玩笑；有趣的人或事
vi.
fun 開玩笑
很有趣be fun；Great fun；have great fun；very interesting
不夠有趣not interesting enough
這么有趣so funny
有趣原則interest principle
極有趣be full of fun
不有趣Not Interesting
新奇有趣Funny
有趣休閑OYAJI Catch
一定有趣must be fun
網路知道永遠給您最專業的英語翻譯。
⑻ 簡單的英語小笑話(帶翻譯）
1、Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. 男孩：這個座位是空的么？ 女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也將是空的。
2、Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. 男孩：我可以給你買杯飲料嗎？ 女孩：你不如直接把錢給我得了。
3、My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字。布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊！ 布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。」
4、My Wife Will Exchange Them。A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. ″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson. ″Makes no difference ″replied customer. ″What color﹖″ asked the clerk. ″Any″ he responded.
″Size﹖″ ″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″
反正我太太明天會來換的。一位先生走進一家商店要買副手套。 「您是要布的還是皮的？」售貨員問。 「沒什麼區別。」這位顧客回答。 「那您要什麼顏色的呢？」售貨員又問。「什麼顏色都成。」他回答。 「號碼呢？」 「您就隨便給我拿一副吧，」這位顧客有點不耐煩了，「反正我太太明天都會來換的。」
5、A physics Examination，Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?
Nick『s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考試。在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後。
6、Jim』s History Examination。Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的歷史考試。舅舅：吉姆這孩子歷史考得怎麼樣？母親：唉，糟透了。可話又說回來，這也不能怪他。嗨，他們盡問一些這個可憐的孩子出生前的事兒。
7、he is really somebody。-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個大人物。-- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。-- 他真是一個大人物。干什麼的？-- 墓地守墓人。
(8)爆笑趣味英語小知識擴展閱讀：
笑話具有篇幅短小，故事情節簡單而巧妙，往往出人意料，給人突然之間笑神來了的奇妙感覺的特點。大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。其趣味有高下之分。
人類歷史上，人自從有了語言，就已經出現了開玩笑的語言，最早，人們以口相傳，後來有了文字，許多笑話便被記載下來，編書成冊。但還有很多笑話，是流傳於民間的，就當今社會，每天都有很多笑話出現，有心人如果收集，我想將來一定會有價值。
同時豐富了笑話的寶庫。隨著近十年網路和手機的飛速發展，隨之出現了網路笑話，網路流行語，給力大全，手機笑話，雷人語句，笑料聯盟等，促使笑話發展到一個新的階段。
⑼ 英語搞笑小對話（3分鍾，兩個人的）快～～
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
老師正在講課，彼得打起瞌睡來了。
Teacher: Peter！Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
老師：彼得！你說說，世界上什麼最大？
Peter: Well, well....eyelids....
彼得: 嗯……嗯……眼皮……
Teacher: What？Eyelids？
老師：什麼？眼皮？
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.
彼得：是的，老師。因為我眼睛一閉，眼皮就把世界上所有的東西都遮住了。
⑽ 幫忙找下1到3分鍾的英語小故事
1.約會
When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
約會
在湯姆工作的大樓里有一個咖啡屋，那兒總有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。湯姆有些受寵若驚，因為這位小姐看上去至少比他年輕15歲。一天她又對湯姆招手並示意湯姆過去。於是湯姆走了過去。她問道，「您現在是單身嗎？」 「對，是單身，」湯姆滿臉堆笑的說。 「我母親也是，」她說，「您願不願意見見她？」
A Soldier's Brilliant Idea
Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.
When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.
Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl ring the whole trip.
英語幽默：士兵坐飛機有美女陪伴的高招
由於生意方面的事，羅賓遜先生得出趟門。因為有點緊急，他決定坐飛機。乘機旅行時，他喜歡靠窗坐，故而一登機，他就尋找一個靠窗的座位。他發現只有一個靠窗的座位還空著。在那空座位邊坐著一名士兵。令羅賓遜先生納悶的是，這位士兵沒有坐靠窗的位置。羅賓遜先生不管那些，他馬上徑直朝那個空座位走去。
然而，等到了那兒，他看見座位上有則啟事，是用鋼筆寫的：「為保持裝載平衡，特預設該位置，謝謝合作。」羅賓遜先生還從來沒有在飛機上見過如此不同尋常的啟事。不過，他想飛機上一定裝了什麼特別重的物品，於是他找了個不靠窗的位置。
又有兩三個乘客試圖坐在那個士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他們看到那則啟事就走開了。當快滿座時，一位非常美麗的姑娘匆匆走進機艙。一直在注意進艙旅客的那個士兵趕緊拿掉他旁邊空座位上的啟事。士兵用這種辦法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。
Girl, Please Fall in Love with Me
After the self-study class at night, I opened the computer. I sorted out the male net friends to the Frog Concentration Camp and several unlovely girls I』ve seen to the Dinosaur Concentration Camp. Then I began chatting with the three girls left.
Me: Honey, let』s fall in love!
Talented girl: OK. Are you a Party member?
Me: No, I』m not.
Talented girl: Are you a League member?
Me: Well, no.
Talented girl: Well, are you a member of China Young Pioneers?
Me: I used to be one many years ago. But why do you bother asking such questions?
Talented girl: Then I can』t promise you. At all events, I』m the team leader of our class.
…
Recalling the painful experience, I still have two girls to chat with.
Me: Girl, let』s fall in love!
Lonely girl: Good. After all, I can fall in love.
Me: Well, didn』t you love someone before?
Lonely girl: No. They always said I was a dinosaur.
Me: Umm, in this case, we』d better break up at the moment.
Lonely girl: No, I don』t agree. It』s my first love…
55555555555…
Now the last girl left, I would especially cherish her.
Me: Girl, don』t you want to fall in love with me?
Jiaojiao: I think it』s OK, but I』d like to ask for my father』s advice.
Me: My God! You asked your father this kind of thing? You surely don』t have your own definite idea!
Jiaojiao: It』s not like that. I am just 5 years old and haven』t learnt to type. It is my father who types for me.
Me: …
Then I said: Hello, uncle.
美眉，我們網戀吧
晚自習歸來，我打開電腦，把男網友全部歸到青蛙集中營里，把幾個見過不漂亮的女網友歸到恐龍集中營。剩下的三個美眉還要再聊聊。
我說：美眉我們網戀吧！
小才女說：好呀。你是黨員嗎？
我說：不是。
小才女說：那你是團員嗎？
我說：不是。
小才女說：那你是少先隊員嗎？
我說：很多年以前就不是了，你問這些做什麼？
小才女說：那可不行，我可是我們班的小組長呢。
我無語。
痛定思痛，還有兩個MM可以聊。
我說：美眉我們網戀吧！
小孤女說：好呀，終於戀愛了。
我說：怎麼，以前沒有戀愛過嗎？
小孤女說：沒有，他們總說我是恐龍。
我說：哦，這樣，那我們分手，就現在。
小孤女說：不，我不同意，這是我的初戀，55555555555……
還剩最後一個美眉，我倍加珍惜。
我說：美眉，我們網戀吧！
嬌嬌：好呀，不過我要問問我爸爸。
我說：天哪，這事你問你爸爸？你自己那麼沒主見呀?！
嬌嬌：不是呀，我今年才5歲，還不會打字，剛才是我爸爸替我打字啊。
我說：……
我再說：叔叔好。
英文竟能說得如此搞笑
a.小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead. 小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet? 老師說：Go ahead. 小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學於是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎麼不去？小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊！
b.一對熱戀中的男女。女生非常沒有安全感，於是對著男友說：「SAY I LOVE YOU!! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!」
男的答道：「IT!」
c.一位在美的留學生，想要考國際駕照。在考試時因為過於緊張，看到地上標線是向左轉。
他不放心的問道:turn left？
監考官回答：right。於是他立刻向右轉……
d.某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，忙說：I am sorry。
老外應道：I am sorry too。
某人聽後又道：I am sorry three。
老外不解，問：What are you sorry for?
某人無奈，道：I am sorry five。
爆笑：昨天夜裡我爸媽表演「混合雙打」
Teacher of Physical Ecation: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？
體育老師：孩子們，你們見過男女混合雙打嗎？
Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
尼克：見過，老師，經常見。就在昨天夜裡我還見過呢！
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
老師：那你給大家講講當時的情形吧。
Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.」
尼克：啊，對不起，老師。我爸爸常說:「家醜不可外揚。」
Camera
On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?"
"Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it.
照相機
在前往威蒙特參加一個婚禮的路上，我和丈夫意識到我們忘了帶照相機。我們在一家百貨商店門前停了下來，希望能夠買到一種便宜的，一次性照相機。薩爾問店主：「你們有那種用了就扔的照相機嗎？」
「我說，小夥子，」店主回答說，「我可不管你買了之後怎麼處理它。」