Ⅰ 經典英語笑話
2015經典英語笑話
2015經典英語笑話一：
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down(砍下) his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"Blonde: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
2015經典英語笑話二：
A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.All ring the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring.The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to ignore her but, finally it was too much for him.He asked her, "Why are you staring at me.?"Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went quiet for her response.The little girl said, "My Daddy said you drink like a fish and I don't want to miss it!"
2015經典英語笑話三：
Bill is a good student and an intelligent boy. He likes to study arithmetic(算術) , and he can do all of the arithmetic problems in his book easily.One day on his way to school Bill passed a fruit store. There was a sign in the window which said, "Apple-Six for five cents." An idea came to Bill and he went into the store."How much are the apples?" he asked the store."Six for five cents.""But I don't want six apples.""How many apples do you want?""It is not a question of how many apples I want. It is a problem in arithmetic.""What do you mean by a problem in arithmetic?" asked the man."Well, if six apples are wroth five cents, then five apples are worth four cents, four apples are worth three cents, three apples are worth rwo cents, two apples are worth one cent and one apple is worth nothing. I only want one apple, and if one apple is worth nothing then it is not necessary for me to pay you."Bill picked out a good apple, began to eat it, and walked happily out of the store. The man looked at the young boy with such surprise that he could not say a word.
;Ⅱ 經典英語課堂笑話大全
冷笑話是一種新興的語言現象,伴隨著網路的普及它已經滲透到了青年群體的日常生活,偶爾爆出的一兩句冷笑話能使交流氛圍變得輕松愉悅,也能展示交談者的幽默和智慧。下面是我帶來的經典英語課堂笑話，歡迎閱讀!
經典英語課堂笑話篇一
After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."
在將母親下葬9個月後，當地殯儀館的一個客戶終於攢夠了錢去買那副他早就相中的價值不菲的棺材了。他把母親的棺材挖了出來，將屍體轉移到了那副新的鋼制棺材中。“這副棺材有什麼特別?”，我問葬禮的承辦人。他回答說，“這種棺材終生保修。
經典英語課堂笑話篇二
Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were five lottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. "
有一次，我收到一封 感謝信 ，是一個我曾幫助過的朋友寄來的。信封內有五張彩票，都被刮過了，露出了數字。“非常感謝您的幫助，”信上寫道，“作為禮物，我給您買了些彩票----真遺憾，您沒中獎。”
經典英語課堂笑話篇三
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
一份報紙組織了一場競賽，為下面的問題徵集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫，你將救出哪一幅?”
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
獲獎的答案是：“最接近門口的那一幅。”
經典英語課堂笑話篇四
One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, "You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?"
一天，蒂姆的數學老師看了他的作業，發現他全做對了。老師很高興，同時也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫到桌前說："蒂姆，你這次的作業全都做對了，怎麼回事?你爸爸幫你做了嗎?"
"No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it allmyself," said Tim."
不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。"
經典英語課堂笑話篇五
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
老師：湯姆，您為什麼每天上學遲到?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow
經典英語課堂笑話篇六
The Preacher Buys a Parrot
傳教士買鸚鵡
A preacher is buying a parrot.
一個傳教士在買鸚鵡。
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
“你確信它不會尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問。
"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
“噢，絕對不會。它是一隻虔誠的鸚鵡。”店主向他保證。
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
“你看見它腿上的那些細繩了嗎?當你拉動右邊這根，它會背誦天主經;當你拉動左邊那根，它會背誦贊美詩。”
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
“太棒了!”傳教士說，“但是如果我同時拉動兩根繩子，會發生什麼呢?”
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.
“我會從樹幹上掉下去，你這個笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說道。
經典英語課堂笑話篇七
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在郵局上班，對於顧客們的各種情緒早已習以為常了。所以，有一天當一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作台時，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什麼問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時候，我看到一個卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家。可是我的丈夫整個早上都在家啊。他說他什麼都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之後，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形於色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什麼好東西?”我問。“我丈夫的新助聽器”。
Ⅲ 經典英語幽默笑話
經典英語幽默笑話
經典英語幽默笑話一：
Early ShopperIt was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked. "Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
經典英語幽默笑話二：
Midway TacticsThree competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
經典英語幽默笑話三：
What's your name?A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:"My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together" Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name."Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,"He said,"and don't forget to call me 'sir'". Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,"When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?" The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied."My name is Stonebreaker,sir"he said nervously.
;Ⅳ 經典英語笑話6篇
英語笑話是指以一句英文短語或一個英文故事讓說話者和聽者之間覺得好笑,或是產生幽默感,笑話是一種經過藝術加工的語言形式,是藝術化的語言,笑話是一種藝術方法。下面是我整理的英語爆笑笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!
英語笑話一：
我要做的一切就是付錢!All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡直就象一個國家一樣。我妻子
是財政部長。我岳母是作戰部長，我女兒是外交秘書。”
“聽上去挺有意思的，”他的同事說，“那你的職務是什麼呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢。”
英語笑話二：
喂狗 For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
一家人在飯館里吃過晚飯，父親把服務生叫了過來。
”先生，什麼事?“服務生問。
”我兒子的盤子里剩下許多肉，“父親說，”能給我們一個袋子嗎?我把剩下的東西帶回去喂狗。“
”啊呀，爸爸!“兒子激動地叫喊著。”咱家養狗了嗎?“
英語笑話三：
腦移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一個外科醫生正要作一個腦移植手術。
“你可以從兩個腦子中選一個給你。”醫生告訴病人，“一個心理學家的大腦1000美元，一個政治家的大腦10000美元。
病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問。
醫生說：“不是好一些，只是沒有用過。”
英語笑話四：
不是我的錯
It's not my fault
Mother (reprimanding訓斥，譴責 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.
Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.
不是我的錯
媽媽(正教訓她的女兒)：你不該拽貓的尾巴。
女兒：媽，我只是握著貓尾巴，它自己在拽。
英語笑話五：
Coins in American Currency 美國的硬幣
There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $.05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$.1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $.25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $.50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece).
Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore.
Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.
One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬幣是按下列幣值鑄造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。
硬幣也叫"零錢"，"小錢"，或"銀幣"，雖然它們不再是用銀子鑄成的。總的說來，硬幣是通過大小來識別的，但總有人把十美分搞錯，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按幣值的大小順序排列。
還有一點要說明：你不能伸出手，托出一把紙幣和硬幣而希望別人從你那裡拿走數目正確的零錢。這在任何西方國家都是不好的。
英語笑話六：
Now We Run 現在我們跑吧
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"
一個牧師正沿著街走路，這時他看到街對面有個小男孩正試圖按一所房子的門鈴。但這個小孩太小了，門鈴又高，他夠不著。看到那個小男孩費了很多勁，牧師走近了他。牧師優雅地穿過馬路，走到小傢伙的背後，輕輕地把手放在小男孩肩頭，按響了門鈴。他彎下身子，微笑著問道：“接下來怎麼辦，孩子?”小男孩回答說：“接下來我們跑。”
Ⅳ 5個淺顯易懂的英語小笑話有哪些
1、爆笑英語小笑話1：Whoare stupid？誰蠢？
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying 「Everyone who thinks you』re stupid stand up!」
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said 「Do you think you』re stupid Johnny?」
「No ma』am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!」
一個老師在對學生們講心理學，「誰認為自己蠢就站起來？」她一開始就說。
小約翰尼站了起來。
「你認為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼？」老師問。
「不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站著。」
2、爆笑英語小笑話2：Agreat man一名偉人
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?
Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會是一名偉人嗎？
學生：當然。因為到目前為止，還沒有人活到400多歲。
3、爆笑英語小笑話3：TwoCute dogs
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.He asks the shopkeeper 「Does
your dog bite?」
The shopkeeper says 「No my dog does not bite.」
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. 「Ouch」 he says 「I thought you said your dog does not bite!」
The shopkeeper replies 「That is not my dog.」
一個男人走進了一家商店，看到了一個可愛的小狗，於是他問店主：「你的狗咬人嗎？」
店主說：「不，我的狗不咬人。」
這個男人就試圖撫摸狗，然後狗咬了他。「哎呀」他說：「我還以為你說你的狗不咬人呢！」
店主和他說：「那不是我的狗。」
4、爆笑英語小笑話4：Four gold teeth四顆金牙
6.Policeman: Why didn』t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth they』d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.
警察：有人搶你的手錶時，你為什麼不呼救呢？
男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會發現我的四顆金牙。那就更糟了。
5、爆笑英語小笑話5：Barking dogs don』t bite吠狗不咬人
The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.
「It』s all right」 said a gentleman 「don』t be afraid. Don』t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don』t bite?」
「Ah yes」 answered the little girl. 「I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?」
一個小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
「沒有關系，」一位先生說，「不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：『吠狗不咬人。』」
「啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？」
Ⅵ 最經典的英語笑話故事閱讀
笑話是日常生活中人們消遣娛樂的一種常見語言現象,其目的在於在會話過程中傳遞和激發幽默感。我整理了最經典的英語笑話故事，歡迎閱讀!
最經典的英語笑話故事篇一
找錯地方啦
While working in the psychology department at a Com-munity College in Centerville，Michigan, I was asked to en-large a chart for a meeting. I called the room and asked，'Can I get something blown up down there?"
在密西根薩特維亞的密一所社區學院的心理學系工作期間，一次，他們讓我放大一張會議的圖表。於是，我就打電話給復印室，問:“我能到你們那裡搞點兒能放的東西嗎?"(對方以為是放飽的放)
After a pause the voice on the line replied，"I think you want the chemistry lab.”
對方愣了一會兒，回答說:“我想你要找為是化學試驗室.
最經典的英語笑話故事篇二
誰自私?
My husband and I were discussing the options available on the new car we planned to buy. The standard equipment included a driver's side air bag，but the passenger air bag was an optional purchase.I thought this was a bit odd and asked，"What would a wife say if her husband bought a car with only one air bag?"
我和我丈夫正在討論我們計劃要買的新車上應帶有哪些設備。標准設備包括在車上配備給司機座位上的空氣袋，但乘客席上的空氣袋就可有可無了。對於這點，我覺得有點滑稽，於是就問丈夫:"如果丈夫只買了一個空氣袋，他老婆會說什麼呢?"
"That's easy,"my husband responded. "She'd say，'I'll drive.'"
我丈夫回答說:“這很容易猜，她會說:‘我來開車吧!'."
最經典的英語笑話故事篇三
如此節儉
Mrs. Willencot was very frugal. When her husband died，she asked the newspaper how much it would cost for a death notice.
成倫考特太太非常節儉.她丈夫死後去問報社，登一條訃告需要多少錢?
"Two dollars for five words. "
“八個字，兩美元。，
"Can I pay for just two words?"，she asked.”Willencot dead."
“我登三個字多少錢?’她問:"Willencot過世。”
"No，two dollars is the minimum. You still have three words."
“兩美元是最少的費用，你還可以加五個字。”
Mrs. Willencot thought a moment and added; "Cadillac for sale."
威倫考特太太想了一會兒，說:“賣卡迪拉克。”
Ⅶ 四則經典趣味英語笑話
下面是我整理的四則經典趣味 英語笑話 ，希望大家喜歡!
經典英語笑話：小孩子實在了不起
Mother got on the train with Little Johnny and Little Ronny.
媽媽和小強尼、小羅尼一起搭乘火車。
Little Johnny was full of questions, as usual: "What's an emergency brake, Mommy?"
小強尼一如往常問東問西，“媽咪，什麼是緊急煞車?"
“Why did that policeman ask to see our tickets?"
“為什麼那位警察叔叔要看我們的車票?"
"Why can't I lean out the window?" etc.
“為什麼身體不能伸出窗外?"等等諸如此類問題。
His mother was becoming ever more exasperated.
媽媽實在忍不住要發脾氣了。
Finally, Little Johnny asked, "What was that last station we stopped at, Mommy?"
最後小強尼又問：“媽咪，剛剛火車停靠的是哪一站?”
"I don't know, Johnny, and will you please stop pestering me? I'm trying to read. "
“我不知道，強尼，你可不可以不要煩我，我正在看書呢!”
A few minutes of silence passed. Then Johnny said, "It's too bad you don't know what station that was, 'cause that's where Little Ronny got off. "
一陣安靜後，強尼說：“真糟糕，你竟然不知道羅尼下車的那個車站。"
經典英語笑話：哲學課一則
Really, you have only two things.to worry about-either you are sick or you are well.
真的，你只有兩件事要擔心，你不是會生病就是身體健康。
If you are well, you have nothing to worry about,
如果你身體健康，那麼就沒什麼好擔心的。
and if you are sick, you have only two things to worry about-either you get well or you die.
如果生病的話，只要擔憂兩件事，你不是康復就是死亡。
If you get well, you have nothing to worry about,
如果你康復的話，什麼也不必擔心。
and if you die, you have only two things to worry about-either you go to heaven or you go to hell.
如果不幸死亡的話，你只要擔心兩件事，你不是上天堂就是下地獄。
If you go to heaven, you have nothing to worry about,
如果上天堂，什麼也不需要你擔憂。
and if you go to hell.you'll be so busy shaking hands with old friends, you won't have time to worry !
要是下地獄的話，你會忙著和老朋友握手寒暄，連擔憂事情的時間都沒有!
經典英語笑話：那可真是大的嚇人
One day a tourist walked into a Texas tavern and ordered a shot of whiskey. The bartender put a big tumbler full of whiskey in front of him.
某一天一位觀光客走進一家德州酒店點了一杯威士忌，酒保競給他一大杯的酒。
"What,s this?" asked the tourist.
“這是什麼呢?，’觀光客問道。
"Why, it,s a shot of whiskey! Don't you know that everything is big in Texas?"
“怎麼了，那是你點的酒，難道你不知道德州每樣東西都大得嚇人。”
Then, an armadillo ran past the door.
那時剛好有一隻穿山甲跑過酒店門口。
“What was that?" asked the tourist.
“那是什麼東西?’觀光客又問。
"Why, that was a Texas cockroach. "
“哦，那是只德州蟑螂!”
By this time, the whiskey had gone to the tourist's bladder as well as his head,
喝了酒，觀光客感到腹脹頭昏，
and he asked the location of the bathroom
他問哪裡有洗手間，
The bartender directed him to go down the hall and to the right,
酒保告訴他下樓後右轉，
but the tourist turned left instead and fell into the swimming pool.
但觀光客卻向左轉，跌落在酒店的 游泳 池中。
The bartender heard the splash and went to investigate.
酒保聽到水聲跑出去看個究竟，
As he put his head in the door, he heard the tourist cry. "Don,t flush the toilet ! "
剛把頭伸進門就聽到觀光客大叫，“不要按動馬桶沖水喲!
經典英語笑話：不費吹灰之力
There were four passengers in the small aircraftas it sputtered over the Andes; a businessman, an inventor, a priest and a laid -back budget traveller.
一架正飛越安第斯山脈的小飛機上坐著四名乘客：一名商人，一名發明家，一位神父和一個靠預算過日子、看起來懶懶散散的旅行者。
Suddenly the pilot entered the cabin and told them the horrible news: "Gentlemen, the plane is going down. I'm going to try to crash-land it, but you must all jump. "
突然，駕駛員走進艙告訴他們可怕的消息：“各位先生，這架飛機正失控下降中，我要設法迫降，但你們必須先跳下飛機。”
Naturally, the men were horrified。and even more so when they discovered that there were only three parachutes.
當然，那幾個人都嚇得目瞪口呆，尤其是當他們發現只有三個降落傘可以使用時，更是心驚膽戰。
The businessman said, "Sirs, I employ thousands of people. Their lives and those of their families depend on me. I think you'll agree that I must survive. " He promptly put on a parachute and leaped.
那名商人說道：“各位先生，我僱用好幾千名員工，他們都要靠我養家活口，我想你們都同意我必須活著回去。”說著他便穿上一具降落傘跳出飛機去。
The inventor rose, already adjusting the straps. "I'm the smartest man in the world. My inventions have transformed the lives of millions. There’s no telling how much good I may yet do. Goodbye. " And he, too, jumped from the plane.
接著發明家站了起來，調整了肩帶說道：“我是世界上最聰明的人，我的發明改變了成千上萬人的生活。我還會對大眾造多少福難以估計。再見了，各位!”他也跟著跳出機艙。
The priest was se.rene, and interrupted his prayers to speak to the traveller. "I am a rnan of God, my son; I have no fear of death. Take the last parachute and save your life. "
神父心平氣和，中斷禱告，對旅行者說道：“小夥子，我是信奉上帝的人，我對死並不畏懼，剩下的降落傘你就拿去用，逃命去吧!”
"Hey, it,s cool, Father. There’ re still two parachutes left. The smartest man in tne world just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack. "
“嘿，神父，真是太棒了!我們還有兩個降落傘。那個自稱世界上最聰明的人背了我的背包跳出去了。”
Ⅷ 學英語必看的英文幽默笑話
學英語必看的英文幽默笑話
1、某次英文考試有兩道題目：
1)我穿上外套，卻發現第一個扣子掉了。
2)他聽見電話鈴響，就過去接了電話。
正確答案應為：
1)I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.
2)As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.
但是某生的答案是：
1)Shit!
2)Hello?
2、老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money，並讓同學們翻譯。
有名學生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗。”
3、小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?
老師說：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?
老師說：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學於是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎?怎麼不去?
小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊!
4、某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hongtao liu.
外賓曰：我他媽還是方片七呢!
5、江青會見外賓，要求翻譯要嚴格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。
外賓一見到江青，立刻拍馬屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful."
翻譯照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：“哪裡，哪裡”。
翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文："Where? Where?"
外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問哪裡漂亮的.，乾脆馬屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."
翻譯：“你到處都很漂亮。”
江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：“不見得，不見得”。
翻譯趕緊翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
6、一對熱戀中的男女。女生非常沒有安全感，於是對著男友說：“SAY ‘I LOVE YOU!!’SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”
男的答道：“IT!”
7、某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，
忙說：I am sorry.
老外應道：I am sorry too.
某人聽後又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，問：What are you sorry for?
某人無奈，道：I am sorry five.
8、某男，亦粗通英文，至使館，有表要填，有一欄是：Sex，該男思之久已，毅然下筆：“Once a week”。
簽證官觀後暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”
該男頓時赧顏，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?”
男急釋曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female. ”
9、上初一的時候，英語老師讓我們讀課文，恰好是一段對話，於是叫了一男一女兩個同學來讀。
男：What time is it now?
女：It's nine.
男：Let's go to bed.
女：We go to bed at nine.
全班絕倒。
10、一天，我准備坐車去學校，正在路上走著，一輛車快速從我面前穿過，並且撞到一位正在觀光的日本人。當然情況很是嚇人，路邊的好心人立刻沖上前去問道：“How are you?”
日本人上氣不接下氣的回答：“F..ine,th..ank you...and you?”
圍觀的人頓時愣住。。。由此可知日本人的英文是死記硬背的!
11、某男，粗通英文，至使館，有表要填，有一欄是sex。
該男思之久已，毅然下筆：“Once a week“。
簽證官觀後暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.“
該男頓時赧顏，思之，填下“female“，官楞之，曰：“Shouldn’t it be male?“
男急釋曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.”
12、多年前，一個英文不怎麼樣的男人到美國出差，很嚮往自由女神像，特意打聽了管理處電話，接著打車前往。
他的士司機說：“Where is the free woman?”
司機看看他：“Hey guy, here's America, nothing is free.”
男人著急了：“I know there''s a famous free woman, I have the phone number. It's sex sex sex two sex one free(6662613)!”
13、小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?
老師說：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?
老師說：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學於是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎?怎麼不去?
小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊!
14、小強去看電影，到了電影售票處，發現一個老外和售票小姐連說帶比得好半天，就自告奮勇的上前做翻譯，售票小姐說：麻煩你告訴她，現在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站著看。
小強轉頭就對老外說：No Sit see, Stand see. If see stand see.
老外回答說：Sorry I don't understand your english.
小強就對售票小姐說：哦，他說他不懂英文。
15、某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，忙說：I am sorry.
老外應道：I am sorry too.
某人聽後又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，問：What are you sorry for?
某人無奈，道：I am sorry five.
16、英語老師問一個學生，“How are you 是什麼意思”
學生想how是怎麼，you 是你，於是回答“怎麼是你?”
老師生氣又問另一個同學：“How old are you 是什麼意思?”
這個同學想了想說：“怎麼老是你。”
17、一位在美的留學生，想要考國際駕照。在考試時因為過於緊張，看到地上標線是向左轉。
他不放心的問道: turn left?
監考官回答：right.
於是他立刻向右轉。
很抱歉他只有下次再來。
18、女：Say“i love you”，say it，come on!say it!
男：It!
19、老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money 並讓同學們翻譯。
有名學生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗。”
20、A：What’s on your hand?
B：Watch.
A：How to spell that?
B：T-H-A-T~
;Ⅸ 有哪些英語小笑話給我來十個（越短越好）
1、英語笑話（一）
老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money.並讓同學們翻譯。有名學生答道：「湯姆是瑪麗。」
小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?
老師說：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?
老師說：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學於是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎麼不去？
小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊！
2、英語笑話（二）
某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hong tao liu，外賓曰：我TM還是方片七呢！
3、英語笑話（三）
江青會見外賓，要求翻譯要嚴格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。外賓一見到江青，立刻拍馬屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻譯照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：「哪裡，哪裡」。
翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問哪裡漂亮的，乾脆馬屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."
翻譯：「你到處都很漂亮。」江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：「不見得，不見得」。翻譯趕緊翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
4、英語笑話（四）
話說某年某月的某一天，叄個神箭手約在一起比箭，目標是十尺外僕人頭上的蘋果。A神箭手挽弓長射，咻一聲，利箭正中蘋果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM後羿！」
B神箭手照本宣科，射中蘋果，這回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」
輪到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 結果正中僕人的心臟。就聽他結結巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」
5、英語笑話（五）
某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞， 忙說：I am sorry.
老外應道：I am sorry too.
某人聽後又道：I am sorry three.
老外不解，問：What are you sorry for?
某人無奈，道：I am sorry five.
6、英語笑話（六）
一位來自日本的旅客，坐計程車去機場的路上，看到一輛汽車經過，就說：「oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」又有一輛經過，他又說： 「oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」司機有點不高興，覺得他太吵了！當第三輛經過時，他還是說：「oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」
後來到了機場，那個日本人就問：「How Much？」計程車司機說：「1000！」
日本人驚奇的問司機：「為什麼那麼貴？」計程車司機回答說：「oh，mileometer（計 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」
7、英語笑話（七）
傳說柯林頓和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞錯了，把柯林頓送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了 地獄。發現錯誤後上帝馬上改了回來，路上二人相遇。 精彩繼續教皇：感謝上帝，我終於能見到聖母瑪利亞了（Virgin Maria）. 柯林頓（壞笑中）：Sorry，it"s too late.
8、英語笑話（八）
小強去看電影，到了電影售票處，發現一個老外和售票小姐連說帶比得好半天，就自告奮勇的上前做翻譯，售票小姐說：麻煩你告訴她，現在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站著看。
小強轉頭就對老外說：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see.
老外回答說:Sorry I don』t understand your English.
小強就對售票小姐說：哦，他說他不懂英文....
踩了一個老外的腳，為了顯示咱國家是有名的禮儀之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是禮貌有加，就來個sorry too.
two??the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中國人還不是得禮尚往來？！~那就I am sorry three~ 這下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for?
暈，還有完沒完啊，還FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，Iam sorry five~(who怕 who？！~）
9、英語笑話（九）
我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外：「hello，你媽是猴兒。」老外用純正的天津話說：「你媽是大猩猩！」
10、英語笑話（十）
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」 「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」
Ⅹ 經典英語笑話大全
下面是我整理的一些關於經典 英語笑話 7篇，歡迎大家閱讀!
經典英語笑話一：咒語
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
一個男人找到一個巫婆，要求她解開一條困擾了自己40年的咒語。
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
巫婆說："或許我可以做的到，但你必須一字不落地告訴我下咒的時候說的那句咒語。"
The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."
男人毫不猶豫的答道：“‘我現在宣布你們成為夫婦。’”
經典英語笑話二：世界各地的蹩腳英語
①If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself。
日本旅館：如果您想調節您房間的溫度，請控制您自己。
②Please don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on ty。
匈牙利動物園：請不要給動物餵食。如果您有食品，請喂給值班警衛。
③Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar。
挪威酒吧：女士們不要在酒吧里生孩子。
④Fur coats made for ladies from their skins。
瑞典皮貨商店：為女士們製作的皮大衣，是用她們的皮製成的。
⑤Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists 。
香港牙科診所：由最新的衛理公會教徒給您拔牙。
⑥Drop your trousers here for best results。
泰國的乾洗店：在這里脫掉您的褲子，等待最好的結果。
⑦Specialist in women and other diseases。
義大利婦科診所：我們是women和其他疾病的專家。
⑧Welcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday。
俄國公墓：歡迎訪問這個公墓，許多著名的俄國藝術家每天埋在這里，但星期四不埋。
⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions。
丹麥機場：我們將拿走您的行李，送往四面八方。
⑩The manager has personally passed all water served here。
墨西哥旅館：旅館經理將親自為您撒尿。
經典英語笑話三：送出去還有的東西
What can Santa give away and still keep?
Answer: a cold.
什麼東西聖誕老人可以分送出去，自己卻也還留著?
答案：感冒。
經典英語笑話四：聖誕老人的 愛好
What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?
Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.
聖誕老人喜歡在花園里做什麼?
答案：鋤地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是鋤草之意，ho則是聖誕老人的笑聲。)
鉛筆
What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?
Answer: use a pen.
若聖誕老人的馴鹿吃掉你的鉛筆該怎麼辦?
答案：用原子筆
經典英語笑話五：1000元的腦筋急轉彎
On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.
Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?
聖誕節 前夕，聖誕老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律師在一家高級飯店一同等電梯，門還未開前，三人同時看到地上有一張新台幣1000元的鈔票，猜猜誰會將它撿起?
Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!
答案：當然是聖誕老人啦!為什麼?因為大家都知道另外兩者並不存在。
經典英語笑話六：Cry
"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
“湯姆，你弟弟怎麼了?” 媽媽在廚房裡問。“他在哭。”
“沒事兒，媽媽，”湯姆答道。“我在吃我的 蛋糕 。他哭是因為我不給他吃。”
“他已經吃完自己的了么?”
“是的。”“我幫他吃完時，他也哭了。”
經典英語笑話七：可憐的男人
A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.
Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"
The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."
Bartender: "That should make you happy."
The man: "No, the month is up today!"
一個男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。
酒吧招待：“你怎麼了?跟老婆鬧矛盾了?”
男人：“我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話。”
酒吧招待：“那你應該高興才是啊!”
男人：“不，今天是這個月的最後一天。”